As a general rule, I am absolutely terrible about waking up on time. While I am ironically a morning person in that I enjoy waking up early, I heavily struggle in doing so. I am always still tired and sleepy when I wake up, which often results in me snoozing or rolling back over. However, there are times when it feels different. I have never been diagnosed with depression, but the end of high school and beginning of college I have been through some very rough periods of depression like symptoms. One of the most common of these symptoms is a serious lack of drive and motivation. On certain mornings, this feeling becomes overwhelming, leaving me curled up in bed till late in the afternoon or evening unwilling to face the world. I have always felt that there is something more than normal going on when this happens due to its spontaneity and severity, but I always chocked it up to mental health until something happened the other day to make me question that.

The last time I experienced this, I was laying in bed awake but dozing off. I have a lot of experience with lucid dreaming, so hypnagogia and half-dreams are nothing new to me, and as I was laying there I started to enter that state. However, it felt a little different, similar to other strange experiences I have had. While in real life I was laying normally, when I closed my eyes I could see/sense my non-physical body. It was from the same angle and perspective as in real life, but I was in a different position, slumped over almost like depictions of Jesus on the cross. Even more oddly, I was gripping two giant rusty nails, one in each hand. As I sat there opening and closing my eyes and observing the vision, my non-physical body slowly and unconsciously drove the two nails into opposite sides of my lower chest, attaching me to my bed/whatever was behind me in my dream. It was terrifying, but I was in such a state of sloth and lethargy that I barely even recognized how disturbing it was.

What makes it so scary is that it was a visual and spiritual representation of how I feel when this happens, like I've been stuck to the bed by some uncontrollable, dark side of myself and I couldn't get up even if I wanted to. I don't know if it was just a subconscious representation of how I felt or a vision of what is actually happening to me on a spiritual level, but either way it was not a good feeling. I am interested to here y'alls thoughts on the matter.